Elke or “The Bunion Queen” as she is known by her legions of devotees around the web is one of the single most important people in the development of this community. Her openess, honesty and bravery in sharing first, pictures of her stunning feet, and now their incredible story. We thank her for everything she has given us and wish her well wherever sh may be.
I was asked to write down the story of my feet, from the beginning to the end. Its a tragic story but I would like to write it down in several chapters, with each details about my feet and toes. I´d like to write it for two major reasons: First, I know it would be nice to read for those who get excited about deformed female feet and toes, second it would help me psychologically to live it up what I have experienced and I what I went through. Its a sexy story in a way, and its a tragic story in another way. I will start now with the first chapter and I would like to know from you if you want me to write down my entire story – from the beginning to its tragic end.
I see two scenarios with my inner eye: A 15 years old girl with slight hammertoes – and a woman in her late 30´s sitting in a wheelchair, having the most deformed and crippled feet and toes one ever saw. Her bunions are unbelievably big and red, severely inflamed, her big toes have a 90 degree angle and her lesser toes are hammered to the absolute maximum. Her second and third toes have no more space and they are both like pinched upon the big toes. Not only the middle toe joints of her lesser toes are stiff, also the basic joints and bones are totally rigid in an extremely upright position. The basic joints go up and the second joints go down in a 90 degree angle. Her baby toes have both severe tailors bunions which make the baby toes push severely against the fourth toes. Her 3 middle toes have two very big corns each, and the baby toes one corn each. She knows that in a few days her lesser toes will be amputated as the beginning of a series of amputations that lasted until just a few weeks ago., where surgeons have amputated the “rests” of her little thigh stumps that were left. What made her feet so severely crippled was of course not only caused by wearing high heels. It was an illness called “Polio Arthritis” that has first inflamed, than dried out, deformed and destroyed the bones of her feet and toes. The illness spread out and her toes had to be amputated, than the feet above the ankles, than below the knee, than above the knee, and lately the entire thighs…
I was just 15 and my gymnastics teacher told me to see the school doc. I had slight hammertoes since I was a baby but now that I was slowly becoming a young girl in the turn to become a (very) young woman, it showed that the tips of my lesser toes always pointed down. The school doc measured all my toes and he told me very much to my surprise, that both my second toes were much longer than my big toes. I couldn’t believe this and I pointed out one foot, showing him that my second toe was much shorter than the big toe. “Because you have hammertoes” he said, and that was the first time that I heard the expression “hammertoes”. He explained, that the middle joints of my toes had an angle of maybe 45 degree and that the tendons of these toes are getting shorter and shorter. He took my second toe in his hand and straightened it, which was still possible. I have never done this and I was amazed when I saw that this toe was really much longer than my big toe. In order to re-lengthen the tendons, I needed to make toe exercises, he said. If I don’t do this, there will come a time were I needed my fingers to straighten my toes, and, as the next state, there could come a time where it was impossible to straighten my ties at all, neither with my hands, he said. “Your feet and toes are still growing and that’s an even better chance to get your toes back in the regular shape”, he explained. So I promised to him and to my parents, that I will make the exercises every day ten minutes, as I was told.
I made the exercises maybe one month or so, and only because my mother was observing me. She took care that I really did it. After several days she had to remind me to start with the toe exercises, but I really didn’t like it. So she was nice enough to offer me to help me with the exercises, like when we were watching TV together, she just took one bare foot and bent back my lesser toes again and again with both feet. This felt very comfortable and I let her do this several times. At some time she no longer did it and thought that I was doing the exercises by myself. When I saw the doc the next time, my toes weren’t any better and he was pretty bad with me. I never went to him. At age 16 my mother made a date for me with a foot doctor, an orthopedic. I told him that I was wearing high heels when I went dancing with my friends. I never checked my toes though, and I was surprised that I was no longer able to straighten them without the help of my hands. He said that this is dangerous because I am still growing and my toes could grow in the wrong way. Yet I hadn’t have rigid hammertoes, but the second state was reached. Again I was asked from the doc, to make exercises every day, and in addition to this he ordered some medical foot massage for me. It was a young lady that massaged my toes twice a week, and I hated it because she had moist hands and fingers. After some weeks I told my mother to go to the massage, but I met my girlfriends instead.
I remember very well one hot summer when I went to a swimming pool with my friends, boys and girls. I wore plastic flip flops, beach sandals. One girl came to me and asked me if I had realized those four round pointed wholes at the soles of my flip flops. No I didn’t, I said, and she showed me that holes. They came from my hammered toes, that I had completely ignored. These were really no regular toe imprints but deep little holes from the tips of my hammered toes. This was the first time that I have checked my toes. I played with them, I pointed them but I could no longer straighten them, neither with my hands. My friend said that it looks somehow sexy. I looked at my toes and I got an idea about what she meant. “Don’t look the boys at your feet all the time?” she asked. She was right, they looked at my toes and feet very often. I had no problem to show my hammered toes, as I realized that I have “rigid hammertoes”. As I was 17, my parents lost control more and more over me and my activities. I was out every night and I loved to wear the highest heels available. I wore high heels also with 16, but I never let my parents know. I wore them always when I went out but now I also wore them in the high school. I never had pain until I was about 20.
When I was 19, I got bunions and angled big toes. At first it didn’t hurt at all, it took some more time until it hurted. I had little round bunions and my big toes had an angle of maybe 35 degrees. Before I went to bed, I used to look at my feet and I found them somehow cute. I started to like the different shape of my toes. I liked to pose in bare feet position in front of the mirror. By the way I had very tender little feet, European size 35, which is really very petite. I became routine walking in 12cm heels, my knees were still stretched out when I was walking. It looked like I had everything under control. The first pain I ever felt as a result of wearing heels, was – amazingly enough – in my forefeet/metatarsal bones. The skin started to became hard and soon I got callouses on my soles and upon the knuckles of my lesser hammered toes. As long as my parents didn’t ask, I didn’t tell them that my hammertoes were now rigid. I could no longer straighten them at all, neither with my hands. The spots underneath my lesser toes became sore. The “clima” of my toes changed. I had always dry feet and toes before- now I got moist toes….well, with a certain odor from leather and sweat. So since this state of my angled big toes and hammertoes, I had moist sweaty toes until they were amputated much later…
I liked to show my toes in public and among my friends, not because I liked the look very much, but as a kind of a proof that I was wearing high heels all the time. It was just like I wanted to say “look all, i wear high heels and I love it, cant you see it on my toes? I have high heels feet!” I knew that I turned on boys and men, because they knew that I wore heels to
be liked. I was so vain, I always was, I am still even today… There was a certain fascination about the fact that my hammertoes didn’t do what I told them to do: I couldn’t straighten them….I don’t know how to explain but I found this erotic in a way. Yet I was not aware of my heavy foot fetish that was in me.
There was a young man that should change my life entirely. A young shy guy that wanted to date me. He tried and tried until I said yes. It was in summer and it was so hot. We had an afternoon appointment in an ice cream cafe. I wore a very short cut off jeans (like I wear today, only without any legs), a blouse shirt and wooden super high heel mules. My feet always used to slide forward in wooden mules, but I liked the look when my hammered toes hung far over the edge of the toe box. I painted them bright red and everybody had to look at them, there were a real eye catcher, because of the color and my bent toes. We had both a big ice cream. I was of course crossing my bare legs and dangling with one shoe. I clapped the
shoe against my heels and it made a sticky sound like my heels were moist. They were moist indeed. It was obvious that this young man was always looking down at my feet and toes, but still this didn’t mean very much to me. Any other man could have looked at my bare feet and legs just as he did. There was nothing unnormal about it. Not yet…
I said to him “can you also look in my face at least from time to time while we talk with each other?” He instantly blushed and he said “oh yes yes, I am sorry about that…” He looked in my face and at this moment my mule fell off my shoe. This was really not wanted from me and of course he looked down my feet again. He immediately got up and helped with the shoe. He held my foot under my moist sole….and he held it much too long. Yes, this young man is Alex, the man I fell in love with and married when I was 21. Nothing happened between us at this day, which was a serious signal for me that I really liked him. We dated every day and I felt that I fell in love with him very heavily. God was I in love… I think it was the week after our first date. Again an afternoon. I asked him to kiss me, and he kissed me on my cheek. “Kiss me here” I said and I pointed on my lips. He took my head in his hands passionately and he kissed me that I almost fainted. We were in a restaurant, and we were both extremely excited. We were tongue kissing and I saw a very very big bulge in his pant. Aww this poor boy was seriously excited. While we were kissing, he tried to reach something under…first I thought that he wanted to touch me between my legs but I was wrong. His interest was more down, much more down. I slipped off my shoes and lifted both legs while I was pointing out my feet and toes, trying to be as sexy as possible. He grabbed both my feet and he pressed his hands and fingers against my moist soles, than he touched my toes, all my toes and between my toes. He was so excited. He embraced me again and I saw that he was smelling his hands, trying to smell the odor of my feet I guess. We had both no more patience and we left the restaurant very quickly… We spent the rest of the day in bed…in his bed…and it was so far the most gigantic sexual experience that I had. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We went in his living room just to have a drink and a cigarette, than we went in bed and we stayed there until the next morning.
My feet played a very important role in our sex play and although I knew that he was a hundred percent foot fetishist, i asked him if he is a foot fetishist and he said “yes but only a little…” “Just a little?” I said, while I was raising both my legs upon the breakfast table. I was so provoking, I teased him with my big toe. I touched his lips with my toes and he went crazy. “No not just a little, I am crazy about your feet” he said and he pressed my soles in his face. He couldn’t stop kissing and licking my feet and toes all over. “I can not live without you, I want to marry you Elke” he said while he was kissing my bare feet. This was so extremely erotic for me and I realized what an immense power I had over him. I had no idea that he had a special fetish for my deformed toes and bunions. I was too inexperienced and I should have known this. I don’t think that a “regular” foot fetishist would have liked my feet, although they were by far not that deformed as years later. Alex didn’t tell me anything about that.
Months later – but still before we married – he said that he wanted to talk with me about something serious. I already thought that he had another affair, but I was wrong. “Give me your feet” he said. I gave him my nyloned feet and he said “undress the nylons for me please”, and I did. He touched my bunions, he softly tried to straighten my hammertoes, he softly
tried to straighten my big toes…without success of course. “Its so fascinating” he said. “Whats so fascinating?” “That you cant…straighten your toes. None of them. Would you please try to straighten your bent lesser toes for me without using your hands?” “You know they wont straighten at all, don’t you?” “Yes I know but would you try it for me please?” I tried to straighten my toes and he looked at me while I was hardly trying to do so. He was obviously excited about the fact that I was not able to straighten my hammertoes. He looked fascinated in my face and at my toes that were not moving. Suddenly he gave me a passionate deep kiss in my mouth and than he was sucking my hammertoes. He was trying to straighten my big toes…he was so terribly excited and he said: “Darling I don’t know how to explain this…its so difficult…I just like the way your toes look….I mean…that they are so hammered….and that your big toes have such an angle…and these soft round little balls at you big toes….your….little sweet……bunions…Do you still love me?” he asked. “Of course I still love you my darling” I said, kissing him at his mouth. than I said something that I knew it would make him the happiest man on earth, at least for this moment. I said: “I find it even very sexy and erotic, that you like my deformed toes…” “You´re kidding” “No I´m not.” Than he said “Oh God…the way you said this…<
With these words I drove him absolutely nuts. He was always a good lover, but since he knew that I liked and (later) shared his fetish, and my way of “dirty talking” about my feet, all this together made him the best lover I ever had in my life. And believe me, I had some affairs… He was the only man in my life who made me say after having sex together: “darling, I have enough”…
I married Alex at age 21. At our wedding day, I wore of course high heels. Alex asked me to wear high heel sandals with very thin straps, and bare feet, no stockings. I felt so sexy in these shoes and I knew how much Alex was turned on by my feet. He also liked that I had no problems to show my bare deformed toes and bunions. As a sideline, I would like to say that this is not the story of my sex life, only the story of my feet. So I will not go into details about affairs and sexual details.
Alex really loved me from the bottom of his heart, but he was also totally addicted to my feet. In the first months after our marriage, he used to sleep at the foot end of the bed, to have my feet always near his face. When he slept later next to my head, he always wanted to have one or both feet of mine in his hands. He woke me up by tenderly sucking and licking my feet. It was a wonderful time of romance and love. I continued wearing heels for Alex and for me. I liked it too and I understood the erotic background of Alex´s special foot fetish. I begun to look at other womens feet, and it was fun for me to look at my feet every day and watching out for any changes. About one year later, the callouses on the knuckles of my hammertoes became corns. First i had a corn on both my second toes, followed on my fourth toes, than the baby toes and at last the third toes. The process of the shortening of my calf tendons was a relatively quick process. The longer a day I wore high heels, the longer it took me in the evening to walk barefoot with my heels on the floor. Sometimes it took the whole evening, and from one day on I couldn’t walk on my heels at all. The next morning I had to make exercises by moving my feet in circles until I could walk on the heels again. By the time it was easier for me to slip into high heel mules when I left the bed. So I didn’t have to make exercises, and I knew that Alex loved the idea of a young woman being forced to walk on tip toes or in high heels. It was easier for me to sleep on my stomach, because this kept my feet in a pointed position. I realized that I had pain in my calf tendons when I didn’t point my feet when in bed. Walking in heels or on tiptoes, accelerated the process of my metatarsal bones getting deformed. The longer my feet were pointed, the more my hammertoes were hammering. The basic joints of m toes went straight upwards, the middle joints almost straight downwards. My sexily pointed high heel pumps had bulges upon the toebox from the knuckles of my hammered toes. This made the corns grow quicker. My baby toes went inwards and the tailors bunion became bigger. My toes had the shape of a pointed triangle. My big toes went outwards and the little inwards. I remember when I measured the angle of my big toe for the first time after I married Alex. The angle was 45 degrees and I was proud to show Alex.
I was still studying when I was married and after another year I blew the studies, but the year before I had a job in the semester holidays. It was a job were I was sitting. It was unlike some of you might think: A sitting job made my feet and toes deform much faster than a standing or walking job. I wore of course heels but my feet and toes stood still, and this accelerated the process of stiffing, no matter if it was the calf tendons or the angles of the big toes or the bunions. Also, unlike most women, I didn’t like to undress my pumps when working, because my toes started to swell, the bunions were swelling and especially the corns became really big. I couldn’t get on my pumps again, so I kept my pumps on when working. This made my calf tendons shrink terribly quick. One day when I came home and undressed my pumps, I saw that it hurted too much to stand at my feet flat on the floor. It felt like my calf tendons were tearing, so I kept on walking on tiptoes, which I knew looked very sexy in my husbands eyes. I remember one talk with him where he was asking me: “Hon can you walk on your heels?” “I probably could but it hurts too much” “Oh ok. I am yearning for the day where you tell me that you are physically not able to stand flat on the floor. When you tell me that you are forced to walk on tiptoes. Even if you wanted, you could no longer walk on your heels…” “You little pervert, this day will come” I said with a smile, I didn’t mean it bad at all.
Alex loved it when I used corn pads, sole pads or hammertoe-separators. He knew that it was much too late for the efficiency of using hammertoe pads, but he loved the “medical look”. He also loved to be with me when in a drugstore, where I asked for cornpads or corn tinkture. He liked the conversation between me and the saleswoman, when we were exchanging our problems that we had with our corns. He didn’t want me to apply any medicine against corns though. Although I was walking either in heels or on tiptoes mostly, my angled big toes never twisted its own axe, the nails of all my toes stayed always nice, I never had toenail problems. Alex liked to inspect my feet every evening, and he made much more “discoveries” than myself. He simply had a better eye for the things that turned him on. So one day, he showed me that the edges of my lesser toes got a square shape. One could see it good when Alex separated my lesser toes from each other. My lesser toe edges should never get a round shape again after this discovery. When my bunions became bigger, they had a pointy shape a certain time, This made the bulges in my shoes very clear and visible. One day I stepped out of the bed, walking purposely on tip toes like I did it for some months. It was an inner reflex that I supported my feet by holding my heels up with my muscles to prevent pain. This time I tried very slowly, to relax the calf muscles while still standing. It took time, maybe 2 minutes or so, until I released the muscles completely. It hurted like hell and I looked down my heels. They were still standing up, like I was standing in a high heel shoe!!!!! Alex´s wish came true so much sooner than I expected. I was both shocked and excited – even turned on in a way. I phone called Alex at his office and I told him: “Darling your wish came true. I can only walk on tiptoes now, I can no longer touch the floor with my heels.” “Are you serious?” he asked with a shaking voice. “Yes darling. Your little Elke is forced to walk on tiptoes now” I replied, turning him on to the maximum. He hang up and he was home within one hour. He was so excited, he acted like I was pregnant or so. He kissed me all over my face, he kissed my feet, he couldn’t stop kissing them… I wanted to drive him crazy, I wanted him to climax quick…he needed to relax. So I pressed my pointed feet in his face, and I said some sexy things about my feet to him, that let him climax in seconds…
Imagine that I never let a doctor do anything against my shortened and stiff calf tendons. It took not longer than another 3 months, and my ankles were totally stiff, irreversibly. I had “serious” and permanent pointed feet now. Only surgery implanting artificial new ankles, would have reversed this state, without guarantee if my body would accept the artificial bones. Walking on tiptoes made my bunions grow in a shocking speed, my big toes were angling more and more, the whole shape of my forefeet and the toes were totally different. Not yet I call my feet to be “crippled”, but at least I had what one would call “severely deformed toes” now.
Beside the erotic pleasure of my feet and toes being really deformed now, I had to learn to get by with the difficulties they made me. My forefeet became clearly wider, but still I was wearing the shoes I liked. I liked narrow tight shoes. I had to live with my pointed feet and at the beginning it was still okay. Let me jump to the year 1988, were Alex and I visited the USA for almost three months. We wanted to meet the people and explore the country on a time basis that went far over the time you spend when you make just vacation. We had a lot of luggage, we had all kinds of clothes, from normal street clothes to evening robe, everything was there. My shoe ware was very look alike. I took about ten pair of shoes with me, and they were all high heels. They had to be high heels because those were the only shoes I could walk with, as you have learned from the last chapter. From knee high boots to street pumps, evening pumps, sandals with slings, straps, cork thongs ( the one I used to make a lot of photos with), mules and some very sexy sandals for the evening. In New York City I learned what it means to walk long distances. From central park to Greenwich village and back and from museum to museum. One day we walked from the morning to evening, just to see as much as possible. I was wearing “comfortable” high heels pumps, the toe box was not so pointed. No more need to mention that ALL my shoes were high heeled. Despite of the comfortable pumps it was a torture for me to walk all these long distances. Late afternoon we took the ferry to Liberty Island. We checked out the statue and the museum and after this I could no longer walk. It was incredibly hot and the air was still. Alex got some burgers and ice cold cokes while I was limping to one of those beautiful trees in the green. I sat underneath a tree and undressed my pumps. The shoe leather was wet inside and my toes were soaked from sweat. My soles became sore and extremely soft, the callouses changed from yellow to white. Alex was back and he instantly took my feet in his hands to give me a heavenly massage. He blowed on my toes and this felt so cool. We played wonderful little sexy games and Alex wanted the people to look at my feet. My corns were swelling more and more. I never saw them that big. My soles, bunions and corns started to hurt very much. The bunions were fire-red and my feet were getting seriously swollen. I wanted to put on my pumps, but my feet did no longer fit in them. The bunion and the tailors bunions became so thick and the forefoot so wide due to the swelling, that I couldn’t put on my pumps. Alex helped me standing up and I could hardly walk. Here I was standing in the grass, with a mini skirt, standing on my pointed feet on tiptoes only. “You look so extremely sexy” he said to me, and I saw he was getting in the state of a trance-like excitement where he hardly could hold back his desire. He had to hold me and he had to help me walking a few steps. It turned him on that he had to help me and that I wasn’t able to walk alone. I was in serious foot pain and the walkway asphalt was very hard and very hot. I wasn’t able to make another step. He had to carry me. People begun to look at me and I didn’t feel comfortable with that. We went
to the pier and waited for the next ferry. A pair of friendly Americans came to us and asked me what happened and i said I sprained my ankle. The friendly lady said to me “You should relax your foot, don’t point it, just relax your ankle”. “Yes Mam” I said and I whispered to Alex to turn so that she could not see my feet. Less did she know about the fact that my feet were stiffed in this pointed position. After five minutes there was a long line of people waiting for the ferry, and Alex and I were the first in the row. So everybody could see Alex carrying me. Everybody stared at me when Alex carried me over the wooden bridge to the ship. This was really my show. We took a taxi to our Hotel, the Hilton at 6th Avenue. We had to cancel the Broadway show. I was done for this day, but next day I was back…
We flew to Vegas and we had a great time. We walked again and checked all the glamorous Hotels, but I learned, never to take off my shoes during a long walk… Every evening when I finally could slip off my shoes, my corns were bigger. They were so big that I had to change to sandals the next day. I wore the cork thongs that I really love. they provided total freedom for all my toes. The disadvantage was that everybody could see my toes in all their “deformed glory”. I understood Alex´s fetish and I liked it, but I was still embarrassed to show my feet and toes in detail, like when I was wearing those shoes. But I had to, and I had to learn to live with the stares of people. Much later, when my toes were really totally crippled, I should learn what it means to get REAL stares from people, (not to mention being in public in a wheelchair without having any legs…)
One night we saw Siegfried and Roy´s show at the Mirage. We were overdressed. We didn’t know that Vegas has changed its style, where you can go in an elegant show with a T-shirt and jeans. This was different just a few years ago. Alex wore a dark suit and tie, and I wore a knee long red Marilyn Monroe kind of skirt, with a nice sexy decollete and my back was bare. Fitting to the color of the skirt I wore some very elegant and sexy red stiletto sandals, with very thin straps around my toes and ankles. My bunions hung far over the edge of the shoe and I had to place the straps in a way that they didn’t touch my corns, that became really big and hard since the New York experience. I needed all my skills to arrange the thin toe straps in a way that my hammertoes could “live with it”. It was impossible to hide my baby toes and their round and thick tailors bunions. The sling around my heels looked really very sexy. I think I was beautiful this night. The straps made my baby toes look like they were pushing against my 4th toes even more like they already did.
We were standing in front of the door entrance in a long long line of people. We were standing there nearly half an hour and my feet were just killing me. My soles burned and the tips of my hammered toes were pushing very hard against the shoe sole. I realized that there were hard times waiting for me, and I had to pay a very high prize to be sexy for Alex. there was no option for me to escape from a situation like this. I couldn’t take off my shoes, because walking barefoot on my toes was even more painful. There was no chair to sit, so the only possibility for me was to start walking around. So Alex held the place we had in the line, while I was walking thru the casino. I tried to walk elegant and feminine, and it was really hard for me to walk without limping. When I was back I said for the first time to Alex “Oh Darling I think that I will get more trouble with my feet. I am a little afraid of the future. All he said was “You are my queen and I will adore you as long as I live. I love you more than my life my darling”. I believed him, he was still very much in love with me, and still today I believe that he spoke the truth. I loved him terribly… To be honest, it also turned me on to see how much excited he was about my feet. I had such a tremendous power over him, but I never used this power in a bad way. By that time, Alex and I had no idea that a few years later there would be a community of bunion lovers, of people who have a fetish for hammertoes, corns and bunions. I was not aware, that my feet became a sexual object of hundreds of men…
So we finally got in the show room of the Mirage. Underneath the table I undressed my sandals, which was no problem cause it was much easier to put on sandals with thin straps.
We went to Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco – and we were walking and walking. When we got back home, my feet were really bad.
My corns held the size they took since the New York City experience. My bunions changed from its pointed shape to a round, bigger size, always red. The tailors bunions were so big that it made my entire forefoot much wider, and my callouses on the soles were rock hard and had to be trimmed twice a month. The angle of my big toes reached about 55 to 60 degrees in the following 5 years. I needed medical help but Alex asked me on his knees not to see a doctor. I wrote to a doc my situation and he wrote back to make surgery of my ankles bunions and hammertoes. He also wrote, that none of these surgeries promise success, especially not the ankle replacement. I told Alex and I told him that I decided against any surgery. He bought a diamond ring for me. Beside that, he fulfilled any wish that I had. When we were shopping and I looked at a skirt longer than 5 seconds, he bought it for me.
Although we had great fun and sexual fulfillment, it was not easy for me to live a normal life with such feet. I had long talks with my girlfriends about my feet. Some of them had corns, hammertoes or bunions, but none of them had toes that could have been compared to my toes. The skin of my feet was always beautiful, smooth and nice. It was only the shape of my feet and toes who made me different from most of the women I met in my life.
This chapter became so long that I decided to write in the next chapter about the time when the internet started and I became the “bunion queen” of the “bunion museum”, which was the very first bunion-fetish-oriented web page in the history of the internet. There is one thing I would like to tell you NOW. Something that nobody of you know, because I never made a statement about this. Maybe I am outing myself with this:
By the time I started to upload pics to the bunion museum in October 1997, I was already permanently walking on crutches! THE PICTURES YOU SAW, WERE AT LEAST ONE YEAR OLD OR OLDER. At this time I didn’t know if the fans of
the bunion museum liked feet that were so extremely deformed and crippled like mine already were by this time!!!! I already had the illness polio-arthritis which lead later to the loss of my toes, feet, lower legs, and at last my entire legs. i was afraid to show my friends the true look of my feet as they really were BY THAT TIME! I was already ill but I didn’t know it. The illness was diagnosed much later, when it was much too late to do anything effective against it. When I started my own web page called “Elke´s Sexy Bunioned Feet”, after some months I decided to let people know that my feet were much more crippled than I first admitted. So consequently, I re-named my webpage to “Elke´s Crippled Feet”, and I let the people decide, if they really find my feet still sexy. I haven’t had the courage to call my feet “sexy” anymore.
Alex and I lived out our fetish in dozens of variations. He liked it to be in public with me when my feet were barefoot in sandals. He liked to touch them when we were in restaurants. I used to write about several encounters I had with my feet. I loved to go swimming on a regular basis. In indoor-pools, shoes are not allowed except bathing sandals, but as I could walk only in heels, I was forced to walk barefoot on tiptoes. Pretty often I heard, that especially women were whispering to each other, that I was trying to walk like a sex bomb. This was of course not true, it was the only way to walk for me.
In summer 1996, I remember an evening where Alex and I were invited to a big ball. I loved going there, and I loved to show my feet for my own and Alex´s erotic pleasure. I finally overcame my embarrassment to show my deformed toes in public, so I didn’t wear sandals that hided my toes. I have chosen a pair I bought in Las Vegas. A 12 cm stiletto thong sandals. Very sexy. My feet were held on the shoe with just a thin strap between my big and second toe. The place were my big toes were supposed to be, was empty. My toes could go in all the directions they wanted to go to. I polished my toes with a dark shocking red. Everybody has got to look at my toes. These killer heels made sexy noises when my heels clapped against the shoe leather. I loved it. And by the way, it was very easy to slip off the shoes under the table, when I wanted to. I went to the bathroom and the clapping of my heels were really loud. A man came out the restroom just when I wanted to enter the ladies room. He said to me “Allow me to tell you that you have very sexy shoes and very sexy feet.” I thought I didn’t hear right. Complimenting my shoes was usual, but complimenting my feet were absolutely unusual for me. I immediately said: “thanks very much for complimenting my shoes, but what is sexy about my ugly feet?” He said “I like your curled toes…” “Curled? Are they only curled? I would say they are extremely bent…” “You´re right but that’s what I like”. “Wow, you are the first man that complimented my hammer toes…” “How do you call those round little bulges you have on the side of your big toes…” “You´re asking very intimate questions, Sir” I said, but I loved his question and I said: “Those bulges are called
By autumn of 1996, my feet and toes started to hurt. Normally I had no pain, only when I was walking long distances. I was waking up one night with severe pain in my bunions, tailors bunions and all middle joints of my hammered lesser toes. The pain was so strong that I had to wake up Alex. He switched on the light and inspected my feet. First of all they were ice cold, but very hot upon the mentioned joints and bunions. There was a sheet of cold sweat all over my heels, soles, and between my toes. He rubbed my toes and soles, and his hands were really wet from the sweat. After a few minutes, the sweat was here again. He went for a towel and he rubbed my soles again, but this time with the towel. The pain became much stronger when I was trying to move my toes. I couldn’t walk. Alex tried to massage my bunions and toes but it hurted even more. So he bandaged both my feet with towels. He kissed me and he was massaging my shoulders to make me relax, but I couldn’t sleep anymore. I was awake until to the morning. Alex didn’t go to work this day, he made me a wonderful breakfast and brought it to the bed. While I was having breakfast, he called a doc and made an appointment for me for the same day. I know that Alex was extremely turned on when my feet got that bad, and it turned him on when I couldn’t walk, but he was not so egoistic to let me suffer for his erotic pleasure. He helped me with the walking, but I didn’t need a cane or crutches. In the waiting room of the doc was a young mother with her kid, maybe 3 years old. The kid looked at my feet that were bare in high heels, and he said to the mother: “This woman ill feet”. “Yes darling, the lady has bad feet” the mother whispered, while she was looking embarrassed and with a smile at me. I smiled back and showed her that it was alright for me, no need for embarrassment. “Woman wear stupid shoes” the kid said and the mother was really embarrassed now. Actually the kid was right. I was forced to explain the mother, that my feet were stiffed in this position and that I couldn’t walk with flats at all.
The doc x-rayed my feet and and he told me that I needed to have bunionectomy and hammertoe-surgery. I knew all that stuff and I said that I don’t do it. He said the pain came from the bunions and the hammertoes. Although I had a little fever, he didn’t check my blood!!!! He asked me if I had air condition in the bedroom and I said yes. He just said that the air condition caused a cold that caused the fever – and I should switch off. the AC for a few weeks. Believe that !!!!!!!
As I learned later – too late – he was wrong! The pain wasn’t caused by the bunions and the hammertoes. It was caused by the illness of Polio-Arthritis, that I had already for a longer time – and the fever was a clear signal that all the bones in both my feet were inflamed. As my doctor specialists told me years later, they re-constructed my case and they told me that the illness must have started at least two years before. I was also told that Poly-Arthritis can NOT be caused by having bunions or hammertoes, and it was neither caused by wearing high heels. Yet the medicine-scientists don’t know the cause of this illness, they can only say that it is often a genetic matter, similar with Parkinson Disease and Alzheimer. I was told that I would have got this illness also if I had had normal and healthy feet and toes.
If this harmless doc would have checked my blood, he would have seen that my blood-leukocids were much too high and that there was a severe inflammation within my body. They couldn’t have stopped the illness, but they could have delayed it and i would have had my feet and toes maybe a few years longer. But for sure i would have been able to walk a few years longer. This doc has stolen me these years…
So we went back home and we thought I just need some therapy and that’s it. The fever went away but it came again in periods of just one day in a week, than sometimes two days a week. I didn’t know this because I checked my fever just once after the visit of the doc, and once the fever was gone I thought that’s it. Years later the docs explained me that my illness caused “changing fever”, fever that’s comes and disappears in short distances.
Within 12 months, the shape of my toes changed dramatically. In Winter of 1996 i went again to this doc, believing that his diagnosis was right. He was shocked about the deforming of my toes. He measured the angle of my big toes. I thought that this angle was measured from the basic bone of the big toe to the tip of the toe, but I was wrong. A doctor measures it from the top of the bunion (the outside of the bunion) to the top of the big toe. It was something over 70 degrees. My lesser toes were squeezed together, there was no more place for them and they became sore between the toes. Alex was with me and I saw his excited face. He asked the doc if he could make anything to straighten my big toes, anything except surgery. The doc said, that without surgery my big toes wouldn’t move at all, they would get even more bent and nothing could stop this. I knew that this was exactly what Alex wanted to hear. The doc also said, that being forced to walking on tiptoes only, would accelerate the process even more. No one mentioned Polio-Arthritis yet… The following weeks went sort of okay, I could walk normally on my high heels, but it was painful to walk bare feet, even on a soft floor. Less did I know that my metatarsal bones were inflamed on its way to dry out. It was the beginning of a terribly painful process over the next years that made my feet totally crippled and useless.
One day I felt that my metatarsal bones became more and more weak, and the pain was getting stronger and stronger. The angle of my hammered toes became extreme, I could no longer see the nails of the toes 2, 3 and 4. The callouses upon my metatarsal bones became really thick and hard. In a way it was a good protection for my inflamed bones (that I had no idea about), but in another way the hard callouses also hurted. So I consulted a specialist that was trimming my callouses very carefully. It was just a few millimeters he took off the callouses, not too less and not too much. i felt the change of my feet and toes. In a way i had a certain feeling that there was something going very wrong, I had an idea, at least a certain feel… I tried out several things to make it easier for me. Foam between my lesser toes, thick bunion pads, pads for the tailors bunions, extra pads for the sole… All these things helped only for a few weeks, it was just a short relief. I stopped using this stuff and two weeks later I used it again. I tried out everything. I had a Chinese massage-man coming every second day for three weeks, knelting, rubbing, oiling and massaging my feet and toes for very expensive money… Nothing helped for a longer period.
December 1996: Invitation for an official Christmas party from my husband´s business company. Alex and I were brainstorming what kind of shoes I should wear. The problem was that none of my boots were fitting anymore. My forefeet became so wide that no boot in my size would have fit. The next fitting width was the shoe size of Alex !!!! It looked absolutely weird and we agreed that it was impossible for me to wear boots that big with an elegant Christmas Party. On the other hand it was impossible for me to go in high heel sandals during winter time. Alex went to a very expensive shoe store and bought some beautiful sandals with slings, with a “nothing” of sweet strappy strings around the toes, and a very soft and comfortable shoe sole, which was the main reason why he bought them.. It was 3 days before the party. Alex and I modified the sandals and the strings ad we somehow made it that my big bunions could stick out between the straps, same with the tailors bunions. Alex was so turned on by this whole procedure. He was licking my toes while we were trying to made the shoe fit, he was so excited that we had to have a little intermission for some sex…—
The next day I had to call Alex in the office. I had terrible pain in my feet and I couldn’t walk anymore. I told him to buy a cane for me. I cried because I was so desperate. I remember this day so very well, because it was the first time that I was forced to crawl on the floor in order to reach the phone to call Alex. Less did I know that there was coming a time where crawling on the floor was the only way of moving forward for me. My second toe hurted extremely. I looked in the mirror in the bedroom, sitting on the floor, and I just loved the look of my feet. I felt that the pressure from the big toe and the 2nd toe became stronger hour by hour. I pushed down my right foot big toe with all the power I had, and I saw that the 2nd toe went all the way across the big toe. I was shocked. I had no idea that my 2nd toe had a strong tendency to go in the opposite direction that my big toe went. This was also the explanation for the dramatic increase of the pressure. I released my big toe and my 2nd toe was overlapping the big toe with an angle of about 45 degrees. To be honest, I was attracted by the look of my overlapping toe, and it was a pain relief too.
I checked my left foot and it was just the same with my 2nd toe. I knew that this development was not typical for hammertoes. I knew that they bent only downwards in most cases. Making my 2nd toes overlap came ONLY from the
Polio-Arthritis, which I still had no idea that I suffered from this illness. Alex came home by late afternoon, and he had a white cane for me. He was again more excited than usual. I explained him what has happened with my two second toes and he was extremely turned on about it. I took the cane with my right hand and Alex supported me on the left side. I could make some steps together with him, but not alone. I will not forget the very deep and honest conversation Alex and I had when he saw that I was not able to walk even with a cane. It was something like this: “Alex, what is your goal?” “What do you mean darling?” “I mean…do you want me to become a cripple?” “Oh Darling no, never…” “Do you want me to suffer and have pain?” “What a question…of course not sweetheart…” “But…would it turn you on, when I could walk only with a cane or crutches…?” “….—– I must be honest to you…yes it would turn me on…but I don’t want you…” “Yes I know, you don’t want me to suffer, but if it were pain free for me, and if I wanted it too, only being able to walk with a cane….would this turn you on?” “….y….yes my love it would….” “And if I would end up in a wheelchair…only being able to use the wheelchair or to crawl on the floor so helplessly….” “…Oh God i think I would die…of excitement”…
– – –
That’s what he said…
I wanted to go to that party, so next day Alex bought another cane for me. On the phone he said, that he will die when he sees all the elegant people watching “his sexy wife with her crippled feet, being forced to use two canes to walk”. At least I found this fantasy interesting, interesting enough to make it come true. So I hoped to be able to walk with two canes.
It worked, I could walk very slowly and with much pain, but I was ready to go to the party – for Alex…and for me too… The day was here, a weekend day. I had the canes next to my bed. I took them and made one step, than I cried out and broke down in severe pain. Alex had to carry me in the living room. He touched and cautiously kissed my feet and he wanted to have sex with me but I couldn’t I wasn’t able for sex… Until to the evening before we were supposed to prepare for the party, we tried together to make me walk somehow, but I wasn’t ale to make even one step with the canes. I told Alex to go alone to the party, but of course he didn’t leave me alone. He stayed with me. In these last days we have tried so hard, but now I could no more walk. This state lasted another few days.
Alex bought two crutches… the first crutches I ever owned…
One day before Christmas I could walk a very few steps within the house. The bunions got bigger every day, you could see it!!! The middle-joints of my hammertoes became thicker and that made my corns look overdimensionly huge. The sole callouses grew quicker and had to be trimmed weekly now. We had to cancel our Christmas vacation in the mountains, instead of this we invited some very closed friends. Three very nice couples, very pretty women. They felt so sorry for me and they touched my feet cautiously, which was an erotic experience. To be honest, i liked the role of being the center topic”. My feet were the topic of Christmas, and Alex was terribly turned on, and I grinned at him while my girlfriends touched my toes. I knew that this would kill him of excitement.
I was so stupid and so naive, not to hear the opinion of a second doctor. In a way, I didn’t want to know what was wrong with me, and in a way I was turned on by my deformed feet. And it turned me on that Alex was turned on…it was a circle of sexual excitement.
Winter was long and pretty cold, all my foot joints became stiffer ad stiffer, also due to the cold season, not only Polio-Arthritis. During the winter I was forced to use both crutches when I was home. Over the holidays we had to make several visits with relatives and friends, and for this reason we rented a wheelchair for me. I wasn’t able to fit in any boots, so When I was in the wheelchair, my legs and feet were warmed by blankets. We had to find a story why I was on crutches and in a wheelchair. So we told them that I had two complicated fractures of the ankles. We thought that this state of using crutches and a wheelchair would not last for too long. I hoped that when spring is here, my feet would getting better.
I had no idea that I would never walk without crutches again. Never in my life! Spring was here and I made exercises for many weeks. Every day I was trying to make some steps. I hoped to be able to use only one crutch one day, and than no crutches at all some time later. It came totally different. I realized that I was not able to walk without crutches. Still I didn’t give up the hope. i talked to my doc by phone and he said always just the same: Surgery… I thought I wait until June and when its not getting any better, I will see another docs opinion.
Alex was crazy about me, we were married for many years and still we had sex at least 4 times a week. Often he woke up in the night, crawling down to my feet, and… you know what…
I was so shocked about the dramatic change of my toes. Now, also the 3rd toes were overlapping my big toes. My big toes touched the baby toes !!! I was alarmed!! I felt that I will no longer being able to walk even with two crutches, if I don’t get help. I could walk only very slow and with much pain. I could no longer cook, it was too complicated. I couldn’t stand and sitting in a kitchen for cooking is weird. So I ordered delivered food for some weeks, still hoping that it would go better some day, but it never did.
In July I went to a specialist. God why haven’t I done it sooner… When the doc saw my feet, he took his face in his hands and he said that he has never seen before such deformed feet with such a young woman. He measured my toes like the stupid other doc did it: From the outside of the bunion to the tip of the big toe. 90 DEGREES !!! He was not able to put his little finger between my 4th and baby toes and the sole, that strong the pressure was. The overlapping 2nd and 3rd toes were pressing hard against the big toes. Blood test, leukocyte test…
Next week Alex and I came again. Diagnosis: Polio-Arthritis in the second state of three states, the third state is the final state of the illness, so they knew I had it already pretty long. In order to tell us about the progress of the illness, the doc asked Alex to join him and me. i was lying on the treating-table, the doc was standing next to my feet and Alex was holding my hands. The doc said something like this:
“This illness cannot be conquered, we can only delay the process. The first state was the inflaming of all your foot bones and joints. You must have had periods of fever and Spain This is behind you. the next state is the drying out of your foot bones and ankles. The more stiff they get, the more they rub against each other, and the more they shrink. This is an extremely painful process and you must prepare for taking painkillers, heavy painkillers. Be prepared that the state of your toes is just the second state. You have to get familiar with the fact that your toes will cripple and deform in a shocking way. You have already stiff ankles and pointed feet, because these bones belong to the biggest of your feet, that’s why they crippled first. In the final state your feet can point even more, so extremely that they surpass the angle of your legs. This is called a
For me this was another dramatic marker in the development of my feet. I was in the wheelchair for many months, but now I couldn’t move my toes. I could no longer arouse Alex and wiggle my toes for him. in the following few weeks, the pain reduced, maybe because my toes reached the final state of the stiffing, but not yet the final state of the crippling. When we had sex, Alex could touch, kiss and lick my toes, it didn’t hurt me. I could still feel everything he did with my toes, and it still felt extremely sexy. I still loved it when he made love to my feet and toes.
This was the silence before the storm…few days after my birthday in October, a wave of pain started. Alex could no longer ask for holidays from the company he worked for, he had to go to work. Angela came…and stayed with me almost three weeks until Alex came from work. Within these three weeks, my hammer toes were deforming and crippling in a horrific way, and the pain was pure hell. The pain came and left in periods of maybe 5 minutes. Angela was so sweet. In the second week, she saw me in extreme pain and she wanted to have my feet checked by the doc. We went to the doc. He was shocked and he told me, that my lesser toes developed a pressing-power of the fist of a man, which means that with this power my hammertoes were either pressing against the top of my big toes or against my sore soles. Underneath my 4th toes, the callouses were screwed thru from my 4th toes. He measured again the angle of my big toes – as always, from the outside of the bunion to the top of the big toe. He measured them twice because he didn’t believe what he saw. My big toes had an angle of 105 degrees. He said, that actually by such an extreme angle, the bone of the toe would brake. The entire side of my big toe were pressing against the sole, and my toes and soles were sweating more than ever before. For the first time he said my first name…: “Elke, its by the time to amputate your lesser toes.” I was shocked and I said: “Oh…most definitely NO! No never”. Than I had something like a nervous breakdown. The doc started to talk and explain to me but I just said to Angela “come on lets get out of here, get me out of here..” Angela apologized to the doc and she wheeled me out the room. We went home. I was not ready to lose my toes, that I loved so much. Angela made me a comfortable bed on the sofa. She went in another room and phoned Alex…
When Alex came home, Angela left immediately, as she knew that we needed to be alone. I was in terrible pain. I looked at Alex and yelled and cried hysterically to Alex: “Looook…..looook down my crippled feet…they are so damned fucked up…” Alex was speechless. He just kissed my face and held me with both his hands. I cried out: “Oh darling…they want my toes…………my toes……..” I cried out like someone wanted to kill me with a knife…I was hysteric, I was in pain, and I was so angry….and believe it or not….I was soooo horny. Today, I would consider this to have been a psychic disorder. A tragic mix-up of my feelings, of pain, disappointment and sexual feelings. It was in a way comparable with the loss of my….clitoris (excuse me for using this word). I was not breathing normal, but breathing several times in a row inwards, you know what I mean. I couldn’t stop crying. “Take me….now and here…” i said to Alex, and he was totally confused. “Is that really what you want” he asked “Yes darling, yes…I want you…in me…” I said hysterically. I lifted my legs and put my over-pointed feet right in front of his face. He was now turned on and he touched my toes with his tongue. I cried out in pain. It was no longer possible to touch my toes, not even with the tongue. When we had intercourse, I asked him to stop because the shaking of my body made the pain on my feet even stronger. We had to stop it.
Angela came early in the morning before Alex left. Mornings was always better and I used the time to do all the things I got to do in the ladies room…— After another three or four days, I was no longer able to fight. My big toes had no more space, I thought they would brake immediately, and my hammertoes were hurting in the rhythm of my pulse. I gave up. I asked Angela to give me the phone and I called Alex. I told him that I can no longer fight and that I now agree to have my eight lesser toes amputated. Angela talked to Alex too and he agreed that she was the one who calls the doc that will make a date for the amputation. When Angela told me the date of the amputation, I broke out in tears again. I don’t remember the date, but it was just a few days later. Alex made a series of pictures of my feet, before my hammertoes were amputated. They will amputate the toes completely. No stumps left. They will make them just disappear as if they would have never been there before.
What a terrible thought this was. Less did I know that this was only the beginning…
I woke up in the intensive care station, both my legs were held up high by two strings. My feet were heavily bandaged. No pain at all. I felt not bad. Although I couldn’t see my forefeet, I knew that my 8 lesser toes were no more here. Nonetheless I asked the nurse: “Are my toes amputated?” “Yes and everything went just fine” she replied. Next morning, my bandages were removed and the stumps and stitches were checked. I saw my feet with only two big toes left, for the first time. My two tailors bunions were still here. Together with my regular bunions, it made my forefeet look incredibly wide. Alex was with me and we were holding hands while the docs inspected my stumps. The next day the stumps started to hurt, but it was my big toes that caused the pain. They were pushing very hard against the sore stumps. Now, my big toes had finally enough space to spread out in a totally horizontal position. The tip of my big toes were lying where my baby toes have been before. It was very complicated for the docs, to have access to the stitches and stumps, as the big toes “occupied” all the stumps and stitches.
After three days, I could go home. It was early in the morning, as Angela picked me up. She was once again with me the next two weeks. It was very difficult for me to have a look at my stumps. My feet were overpointed and I needed a mirror in order to see my forefeet from the front view. Alex made a few photos from my feet and much later I posted some of these. One pic showed both my feet from the soles perspective, my soles are wrinkled and have a sexy copper tan. One shows my big toes angling extremely and pushing against my toe stumps. Another pic show my stumps when the stitches were still there. I hated this pic, its not sexy at all.
Angela told me that she still had the phone number from the young man I had an affair with. I never talked to him since, but Angela told me that he was calling her asking for me, and she told him that my lesser toes had to be amputated. He was very excited about it and he wanted to contact me again. I called him and told him that it was impossible to meet him. Not that I was uninterested, but Alex came home every day and I had no time to meet him. Despite this, I wrote down his phone number… After one month my stumps were completely healed. My feet were now more overpointed, so extremely that my soles and metatarsal bones wouldn’t have touched the floor when I wanted to touch the floor with my feet. Only the big toes had contact to the floor. For example: When I touched the floor with my right foot, only the left side of my big toes was touching the floor. When I placed my feet parallel to each other, the big toes were building one straight horizontal line, and the basic bone of the big toes were even higher.
Now, that my metatarsal bones could no longer touch the floor, it was possible for me to place my feet on the footrest of the wheelchair again. I touched the footrest only with my big toes. The new “face” of my feet was exciting and new for Alex, and we had sex every day for a certain time. It was obvious that he had also a fetish for amputated toes, and he loved to lick my toes stumps just as much as he licked my toes before.
Now it is by the time to shorten my story, otherwise I would get 20 or more chapters.
My big toes “wanted” to angle even more, but there was no space left for them. Consequently, the pressure from the big toes against my sensitive toe stumps became so strong, that I could no longer stand the pain. Again I asked Angela if she could substitute Alex and go to the doc with me. She came. My feet looked so unreal now, with those big toes angled in such an extreme angle that I have never seen before, not even in medicine books. Showing my feet in public was still a turn on for me, isn’t that amazing? But showing my feet in the crowded waiting room of the docs place, was extremely embarrassing for me, because the people were all sitting and there was no way to escape for me. So the doc provided a private waiting room for me from this day on. He photographed my feet, focusing my big toes, and the photos were given to medical scientists. This time I didn’t wait until the doc would say “the big toes have to be amputated”, but I suggested it by myself. I knew that I would have go to a hell of pain again if I don’t let them amputate in time. We made a date for the amputation and than we went home. Angela gave me again one of her unforgettable foot massages, so sensitive and tenderly. She knew that I had a fetish for my own feet and she knew that it would turn me on when she touched my feet in the way she did it. We were just too good friends…we never talked directly about it, but we both knew…this mood when she touched my feet…was extremely erotic, not really sexy, but aw so erotic…I asked her if she found it disgusting if she would kiss my feet. She didn’t say anything, she just kissed a foot from the sole perspective, between my sole and my big toe… “…and now its enough…” she said, letting me know that she didn’t want to have this situation going any further. She was right….
My big toes were amputated now. I was a toeless woman now, and it was like someone would have take away my sexual “arms”, the erotic tools which I loved to tease men with.
Again I was in that psychic state where I needed “sexual confirmation”. Alex had to go to a weekend workshop seminar for two days and one night. He said he would be back by late afternoon Sundays. I was encouraged and turned on enough to take this risk. Angela came early in the morning of Saturday. Alex left after she was here. About one hour after he left, Angela drove me to my lover. He wanted to have dinner with me in a restaurant, by I denied to go anywhere, it was just too dangerous for me and I didn’t want to be seen by anyone who knew me. In my fantasy, I heard people say “this crippled bitch is cheating her husband…” We spent a wonderful day, and it was very beautiful for both of us…He was the first man after Alex that has sucked and licked my toe stumps, my crippled toeless feet. By 1am I asked him to let me go. I decided, not to spend the whole night with him. I was afraid that Alex would come home earlier than expected. Angela picked me up and she brought me home. Again she wanted to know everything….and I told her everything. It was so sexy…she made coffee and cake and I was reporting her until 5 in the morning. This night she slept next to me in the bedroom, in Alex´s bed….she had had beautiful legs and very pretty feet with straight, even toes. Also straight toes can be sexy, it depends on the shape…And no – we did NOT have any hard sex together…
Months later, my ankles were totally destroyed, the bones extremely deformed. The negative angle of my pointed feet was nearly 25 degrees (backwards!!). The ankles also were turning inwards and backwards at the same time. It was no longer possible to touch the footrests of the wheelchair with my big toes. Now, the tops of my forefeet were touching the footrests !!!!
My kidneys had problems due to the strong medications I got over many many months. My heels and ankles were getting lightly blue. The bones of my lower legs were in the same process my metatarsal bones once were. They had dozens of microscopic fractures, they were shrinking and made my lower legs deform and cripple in a horrific way. It was terrible for me, to see my beautiful legs cripple so terribly. The circulation was bad. Beside all this, I don’t want to talk about the pain I had. The decision was made to amputate both feet above the ankles, as I denied to have my entire lower legs amputated. I wanted to have them a few months longer, although I knew I would have to deal with more pain. I paid this prize.
I celebrated the millennium without feet…The wheelchair-footrests and braces were no longer needed. My feetless legs just hang down there loosely, swinging back and forth which each movement I made with the wheelchair. I had one little advantage – (can I call it “advantage”?) I was now able to crawl on my knees. Alex made several pics of me standing on my knees, sitting on the sofa with nylons on, with the empty nylon-feet hanging down empty…
I still had my webpage “Elke´s crippled Feet” and I had to deal with the fact that the foot pics I had, lasted for maybe 4 or 5 more updates. I haven’t had the courage to tell my “fans” that the bunion queen had no more feet !!! So I told them that I wanted to “retire” from the internet, and that I was closing my homepage. I received floods of protesting emails. “Elke keep on going, we still cant get enough of your feet”.
I don’t remember precisely, at which time I decided to tell my friends the truth. One day, I took about hundred email addresses of the “root people” of the bunion-hammertoe-community, and I wrote to them that I had to have my feet amputated. I mentioned for the first time Polio-Arthritis as the illness that caused this tragedy. Other bunion-oriented pages were found, since yahoo provided this new and easy-to-handle webpage form. People often used my case in a way that they wrote “don’t wear to often high heels or you will end up like Elke”. Women wrote that there want bunions and their toes hammered, but they were afraid to end up like Elke. So I had to tell them that it was not the high heels that caused my illness, most of them didn’t even know that I had this illness. Still today I get mails from girls that want “Elke toes”, and they ask me to give instructions. I haven’t done anything to make my feet cripple !!! I just kept on wearing high heels but I dint torture my feet, like Sally did. She wanted to have feet and toes like mine, and she tortured her feet for many months in pointed casts. She went thru hell in order to get feet like mine. I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS !!!
I looked often at my sexy high heels that I still have. I looked at the prints of my toes on the soles of the shoes. I looked at pictures… it was very hard for me to have lost my feet.
I wanted to enjoy the following months as much as possible. The foot pain was over and I could walk on my knees, which made it much easier to make the household. I even released my household help for some months. Our new house was beautiful and I knew that we had to take care to make the house comfortable for my special needs. I knew what I had to expect in the future. I talked to my doc about prosthetics and I was wondering that he never mentioned prosthetics. He said that it wouldn’t be worth while to make prosthetics for me. He let me know that the time distance for the next amputations were to close…
I was almost pain free and I used the time to stop completely with the painkillers, in order to make my kidneys better and to clean my blood. It was no longer a problem to hide my crippled feet in public. i wore socks, the heels of the socks were of course far up where me calfs were, but no one could see this from the front. We planned to make vacation in North Africa in summer, but it came different. In one of my routine visits at my docs place, he told me something terrible: Polio-Arthritis has spread out up to my knees in an unexpected way. I knew before that my lower legs were infected, but we all thought we would have more time.
I still had some weeks left, but I was prepared that they had to amputate my entire lower legs from below the knee. The doc told me that all my lower legs bones go thru the same procedure that my feet and toes went thru. He spoke about one hundred microscopic fractures in my lower leg bones. He recommended me to go ahead with the amputations soon enough, to take away all the suffering of pain.
Again I was in a terrible psychic state. Again, my libido started to explode, and for the first time I thought about suicide. This is all true. No one of you knows me in person, and that’s why I can freely write about my inner feelings, about all the psychic disorders I had. If there are some people among you, who think that I want to make the story especially sexy when I write that my libido “exploded”, is wrong! It was really like this, and I do NOT add anything to make the story “sexier” for you. So believe me, I am speaking the truth.
I changed my psychiatrist. Alex knew that I had regular session with the psychiatrist, but he didn’t know what I was talking about with him. Angela knew everything, she was the one I could talk about. I told the psychiatrist that I am about to lose both my lower legs, and that I had a terrible desire to have sex with other men. This desire was not a positive feeling in me, but it was something that bothered me, something that cost me time and hindered me to use the time in a more effective way. i was so excited that I told the psychiatrist that I would immediately have sex with him if he wanted – just to give him an example. I asked him if he finds me still attractive, although I knew he would never say that he didn’t I saw the psychiatrist up to three times a week. I had so much trust in him , that I have told him our story completely. I told him about my and Alex´s fetish, and that the fetish spread out to the fascination that I have lost my toes and than my feet and soon my lower legs. I told him that it turned me on to be “helpless” and “defenseless”. I told him that I had erotic feelings since I started to crawl on my knees. I told him that this gave me a feeling of being humiliated, which I always liked in sex. The psychiatrist said that I had a severe psychic disorder, and he also told me that the chance to take away all these fetishes from me, would be very small. I told him, that, although I hated my perverted fetishes – I did NOT want to lose them. Actually, there was no way out for me. He asked me about my sex life with Alex. I said that it is wonderful but in spite I was cheating him twice with a man. He asked me if I masturbate and I had to say yes. I also had to admit, that I masturbate more often since I lost my toes and feet. He asked me if I like to masturbate and I said no. He gave me a medicine that was supposed to reduce my sexual desire. I was grateful for this, but….I NEVER TOOK THE MEDICINE. So, in a way, although I hated my state, I didn’t want to have my sexual desire reduced.
My lower legs were amputated directly below the knees. It was a weird feeling, but I still had the “sense” for my feet and toes. I still felt them and I often dreamed about having them back. I dreamed about teasing men with my toes, and – like a girl in puberty – I woke up, shaked through by strong orgasms in the middle of the night. I had wild dreams about three or more men, making love to me at the same time. I was crazy, seriously sick in my soul…
I stopped all internet and webpage activities. Elke was out for quite a time. I could still walk on my knees but it was more painful now, as the entire weight of my body lasted on my knee joints. i started using the wheelchair more often in the house. At this time, prosthetic were prepared for me, as it was much easier to create prosthetics for a below knee amputee rather than a above ankle amputee. I needed to wait some more weeks in order to be able to walk on my brand new prothetics. I asked Alex if he would allow me to have a one week vacation together with my best friend Angela. He agreed. We made beach vacation. It was much easier for me as a below knee amputee, compared to the state where I still had my crippled feet and toes. I could go to the beach in the wheelchair, and I could get out the chair without help, I could walk on my knees along the beach. I didn’t care the peoples stares, I was really used to it now. Of course I was hoping to meet a nice young man…I hoped to find one that is much younger than me…in his twenties…but I realized that I had less chances… The young men were all interested in Angela, which could understand. And not every men has a fetish for leg amputees, this was a painful experience. I hoped and thought that the time of amputations would have been over. I thought that I have conquered my illness, but I was wrong. While still in vacation, I felt pain lightly starting in my thighs. I didn’t expect any pain to come back, so I didn’t have any painkillers with me. I called my doc and he faxed a formula to my Hotel, so that Angela could pick up the medicine in a pharmacy. The doc didn’t sound good though…he didn’t like that I had pain in my thighs…
As often in life, a girl meets a young man with the ability to have fun, but it turns out to become the love of her life. Angela and a young man fell in love very heavily. She said that this is the man that she wants to be with. I thought they were just in love and had a nice affair, but it was different. When we were back home, they kept writing and phoning each other. they met often, and one day Angela told me that she would leave the country to marry the love of her life. I cried for two reasons: First I was so happy for her, secondly I cried because I lost her. She would no longer be with me, at least not that often…
She was not with me when the doc told me what happened. Polio-Arthritis was here again and infected my legs – what was left of them. This was my hardest fight because I didn’t want to accept what was supposed to happen. I don’t want to take off the fun and pleasure you have reading my story. But also the gruesome things are part of my story and at least I want to give you an idea what I went thru in the following months. Its part of my story and it has to be told:
I went to my psychiatrist and told him that I am about to become a double above knee amputee, and that I fighting against it with all my power. The pain got worser every day and it was senseless and impossible for me to use the prosthetics. I was looking forward to start making exercises with the prosthetics as I came home from vacation, but it never happened. So I never had the opportunity to stand in my original size. Alex didn’t want me to fight against the amputations. He shared the docs opinion, to make the amputations not too late, because of the pain I had to expect. I didn’t sign for amputation and I was ready to suffer in the naive thought to win the fight and to keep my legs.
Angela left the country, Alex had to work every day, but I could not be left alone. The red cross provided a very good educated male “nurse”, I don’t know the English word for male nurse. He understood a lot about medicine too, because he studied 4 semesters medicine. He was in his late twenties.
Again, the pain came in loads and shortly disappeared in a 5 minutes rhythm, only the pain was incomparably harder, it was horrific despite the painkillers. I yelled and cried so loud that Roger, my male nurse, had to form the neighbors about my state. Again and again Roger said to me: “Why are you doing this to you? Why don’t you follow the docs recommendations and allow him to do what has to be done?” I was very aggressive and replied: “Shut up and do your job…” As the pain got stronger, my language got more and more aggressive and “bad”. I never use any bad words, but the pain and my psychic state made me like a different person. As Alex told me later, he informed Roger about my sessions with a psychiatrist…
I could no longer sit in the wheelchair and Roger made my bed on the sofa in the living room. One morning, the pain was so terrible that I started my short legs to move up and down rhythmically. I also spread them wide. As soon I spread my legs in the presence of Roger, he put them together carefully. As soon he released them, I started spreading them again and said while I was crying: “Don’t you like what you see?” He didn’t answer me, he just did his job and he did it very well. He told me to press like a pregnant woman, press and release, press and release…and this helped a little. Roger stayed over night to provide Alex the sleep he needed in order not to fall to sleep while working. Roger was there when I had to go to the restroom in the middle of the night. He helped me taking a shower every second day. He did just everything for me and I was still not ready to give up my senseless fight.
Another terrible day, I was hysterically crying, Roger said: “All the painkillers you take every day will destroy your kidneys, your blood is going to become very bad…” “No man will ever look at me…I am a cripple” I replied. “Better be a cripple than being dead” “Are you sure?” … — …
The pain was eating up my brain. I was irrational and I started fantasizing. As Roger told me later, I said terribly bad things to him. I even got little doses of morphine which reduced the pain, but I was still irrational. As Alex told me much later, he came home one evening and Roger showed him a totally wet spot upon my slip…between my legs…Roger said that he was not going to touch me there or even to change my slip. I was not sleeping when this happened. I heard Roger talk to Alex and show him my slip, but I was in trance and I was not able to say anything. Alex did the only right thing. He called the hospital and decided over me, to have my legs amputated as soon as possible. I started laughing when I heard this, laughing hysterically. An when Alex changed my slip, I took his hand and pressed it against my genitals. He just whispered: “Yes darling, but later, later…”
The ambulance came one hour later and they drove me to the hospital. In the ambulance they gave me an injection that made me relax, Alex and Roger were with me. In the hospital they set me to sleep. As my previous amputations
were made in the same hospital, they could make the surgery the morning two days later. In these two days I was practically in a permanent trance. I didn’t care about anything. I was not afraid of anything.
In the next few months, Roger was partly paid from the state and we could afford to have him live in our house with an own room. Life had to go on and Alex of course had to go to work every day. Roger made some phone calls for me. He was very discrete when he called a tailor to cut off and shorten all my expensive and elegant pants professionally…. – – –
When the stitches were out, Roger taught me how to bandage my thigh stumps correctly. I had to bandage them every day for a long time. I was in rehabilitation center and learned how to keep balance with the hands. I learned how to get from the wheelchair to a chair. I learned how to leave the bed alone (sliding down on the stomach while my thighs are stretched out). Finally I learned to sit on the floor without using my hands for balance. i learned how to use my hands and arms as “crutches”, swinging my short body forward between my arms. I learned how to get up and down stairs. I learned how to erect my upper body from a lying position, which was really difficult to learn, because the “balance-laws” were now totally different.
One word about my sex life with Alex. it was still wonderful and he was still crazy about me. My leg stumps became the “new” sexual center for him. He caressed, kissed and licked my stumps like he once did with my feet and toes, my foot stumps and my below knee stumps.
I had to call Angela…I knew that this would become really difficult to tell her what happened. She cried terribly and she came for one weekend to visit me. We had some wonderful hours together. Each time when I was sitting on the floor, she joined me on the floor, and she was sitting there just like me. She didn’t want me being forced to look up to her. Alex and Roger were friendly enough to leave Angela and me alone for a few hours.
I was again having sessions with my psychiatrist. I just told him about the sexual fantasies I have, and that they don’t go away, that they don’t leave me alone. I went so far that I asked him if he is attracted to female leg amputees. He didn’t answer but he said directly: “I am sure that you were studying the phenomenons of amelotatism, devoteeism and wannabe-ism.” “i am not a devotee and I never wanted to become an amputee…” “But it gives you sexual pleasure if a man is attracted to your leg stumps…” “….women too…”. I finally admitted that I had a certain fascination for women with deformed feet. I am a pseudo-bisexual he said, reduced to some fetish-oriented preferences. I realized how complex my personality was.
I said that this story is the total truth, and in order to keep this promise, I have to tell you also the truth about Alex. I take the full responsibility that Alex left me. In all my previous remarks in chats and emails, I always blamed Alex that he has left me after I was a double above knee amputee. It was all my fault, I am the one who is guilty for that. The following will illustrate you, why:
Roger was my victim. He helped me before I lost my thighs, he was handling with my body every day, he saw me naked a hundred times. In my dreams I have slept with him in all variations. I dreamed about having sex with him. He was about ten years younger than eye and he had a wonderful sportive body. He was like an Adonis. I became extremely excited when he massaged my short thighs every day. He was so powerful that my body was shaking with each move he made with my leg stumps. I was always getting wet…First I was hiding this, I had to put my hands upon my slip, but later I let him see my slip with the wet spot on it. I shaved my hair…he didn’t say anything. I am sure he saw the wet spot when his hands were massaging my upper thighs, also inside my thighs. He saw it, but he said nothing… I wanted him and I told my psychiatrist about it. he said to me I should better change and take a woman taking care of me instead a man. I didn’t follow him. I wanted Roger so badly…
One day, I touched his hands when they were massaging my upper thighs…I looked in his eyes and I said: “Relax…” He didn’t say a word, he looked at me and I saw fear in his face. “Help me…help me please” I said. I hoped, that these self-humiliating words were turning him on – and I was right. “I will lose my job, i can lose my license when we do this, Elke” he said fearfully. “Is this the only reason that hinders you?” “yes…that’s the only reason…” “Nobody will ever learn about our little secret…” He was quiet and I saw that he slowly lost control. I was a crippled woman, but I no longer would have been a woman, if I didn’t make it to make him do what I wanted him to. I said “I want you…I want to feel you…” and I took his hand. He let me do with his hand what I wanted to do. I let him feel the wet spot on my slip…
I had half a dozen of the wildest orgasms I ever had in my entire life. I felt terrible afterwards, when my loving husband came home, kissed me and treated me like his queen. I felt terrible when Alex made love to me the same night. I felt deeply guilty, I felt like the dirtiest crippled bitch on earth. The next day Roger and I did it again…and I said him that I feel like a crippled bitch. When we made love, he used these words “my little crippled bitch” and it was the trigger for extremely strong orgasms that I got. This relation turned out to be a sexual addiction for me.
In daytime Roger brought me to my psychiatrist twice a week, and I told the psychiatrist the whole story. He didn’t know what to do with me, he didn’t know what to tell me except to stop this relationship immediately. I couldn’t stop it and that’s why I stopped the sessions with the psychiatrist.
It went on like this for weeks and weeks. I couldn’t get enough. Roger wanted to stop the relationship and to quit the employment, but I didn’t want to let him go. I heard me saying things that I would have never said to any man in my previous life when I still had my feet and legs. I said something like: “Darling, do you want more money? You can have more money…” “Its not the money, I´m just afraid that Alex will find out one day”. “When you leave me, you are killing me. I will never get another man as a crippled woman with both legs amputated.”
Lets say, I got the penalty that I deserved. I ruined Rogers life, I ruined Alex´s life, and I ruined my own life. Although I realized that I was sexually addicted to Roger, i didn’t do anything against it. I saw myself losing my personality, losing self-control, losing my pride, losing my sovereignty that I always had before. And the worst of all…I lost my class. I thought I became “cheap”… i begun to get turned on when I was humiliating myself. It turned me on when I crawled on my butt after him…I liked the role of being a sexy but crippled woman…I was lost…
One day, Alex didn’t go to work in the morning, and Roger left in the morning. Alex looked at me and said that he need to talk to me: “Darling…you had so many chances, I gave you so many chances and I let you do what you needed to do. I allowed it because you became a crippled woman that was in a terrible psychotic process, you became irrational. Sometimes, things get discovered without wanting them to be discovered. You once received an email from a man, and you forgot that I have access to your email, I know the password. You never saw that mail because I deleted it after I was reading it. Your fine friend Angela helped you meeting your lover. He mentioned her. He wrote down all the sexual details…from the first and the second meeting. It must have been really pleasurable for you, you had so many many many orgasms, as he wrote… I forgave you this and I would have never mentioned it, if I wouldn’t have made another disgusting discovery…Roger should have cleaned up the furniture…he squirted too far, and he should have cleaned up your cum-filled slips, before he put it in the washer. I could have beaten him to death, but I did nothing. I even didn’t reported it what he has done. i will leave you, darling…”
Subject: Chapter Nine (Final Chapter)
I was finished, I even hadn’t the power to cry. I just felt like I would die immediately. Alex took care to employ a female helper for me, he packed his things and he left. Few days later I received a letter from his lawyer that he wants the divorce. In Germany you don’t need the agreement of one partner when he/she is guilty. I was of course guilty. I talked to Alex several times but there was nothing I could do. He lived alone for some months, than friends told me that he met a very young woman that he lived together with, and later married her. Today they have a baby…
I deserved my fate. I was alone, I was crippled, confined to the wheelchair for the rest of my life. Alex agreed that due to my handicap i could stay in the house that I still live in. I started again with psychiatrist sessions. He helped me. It was not a problem for me to see that I deserve this penalty. I accepted my fate and I accepted being crippled. I thought it was right that I have suffered so much pain. Alex suffered a lot of pain too – psychic pain – and this was at least as gruesome as my sort of pain.
I learned to handle the tragedy of my life. Unfortunately, the tragedy of my crippledness started when I was still pretty young. Until today, I had no sex with men or women that wanted to sleep with me. Several months ago, I stopped calling call boys that I paid to have sex with me. I will never pay for sex, and I will never have sex with a human being, except with myself…
Another tragic event ended just a few weeks ago, and I told some of my old bunion-friends about it: I had to go for another amputation. Both my legs had to be amputated entirely, after Polio-Arthritis was spreading out once again. In addition to this, my blood circulation in my thighs stumps were so bad, that the thighs would have had to be amputated, even without Polio-Arthritis coming back. So in order not to go thru the whole pain again, I let the rests of my short thighs amputate.
Life became much much more difficult now. In the future, i will only be able to sit on an air cushion. I will only sit maybe up to three hours a day. The rest of the day I have to spend in a lying position. I can no longer crawl on the floor. When I sit on the floor, the air cushion has to be locked around my lower body, otherwise it would slide away. When I want to move a few millimeters, I have to slightly start swing my body upwards, like on a “mini-trampoline”. My hands sit in front of me, and the little movements on the cushion can cause that my body maybe moves a very little forward.
In other words: I cannot move myself anymore on the floor. The bit of freedom that I had before – crawling on the floor – was now taken away from me too.
I sit on my lower body, and I sit on my genitals. I can no longer wear cut off pants. The wholes that were supposed to be the legs of the pants, make no more sense. The “pants” for my lower body need to be specially tailored for my needs. My “pants” are no longer pants because they don’t have wholes. The wholes are nit together and some pants that I wear when I go out, are provided with a build-in cushion that sits between my pants and my lower body. It makes it easier for me to sit… I no longer wear regular slips. My new slips have no leg wholes. One of the most terrible things for me are the days of menstruation… The womens-slips need to be fixed by extra bandages that go around my entire lower body. As a hundred percent handicapped woman, the state pays my 24 hours nurse in full.
My future looks dark, but I don’t complain. I had wonderful times in my “first” life, the life when I still had my feet and toes. i had great moments even when my legs were amputated. i had a wonderful and loving husband, that I wish the best for his and his young wife´s future, and their baby of course… Its bitter for me, but its justice.
Thank you all my friends, for letting me be your “Bunion Queen”, for letting me be the first “bunion sex symbol” in the bunion-hammertoes community. Thanks for finding me sexy… I still have appetite for sex, but I see it as my personal justice penalty, that I will no more have sex with a anyone except myself. Don´t be sad…I´m neither…life goes on..
It´s okay – It´s okay….